I went to the launch of Will.i.am's new smartwatch and it was rid.ic.ulous - CNET

Then someone sees my VIP lanyard and asks if I'm with the band. I tell them I am, and in fact I'm so tight with Will.i.am I call him Bill.i.am. That joke probably wouldn't go down well with the man himself. A Telegraph joualist recently shared a list of rules that Will's people insist on while you're interviewing him about his vision of the future. Or, as he calls it, The Future:

In his new role as tech snake oil salesman guru, Will thinks about The Future a lot.

"I wanted to create artificial intelligence," Will tells us, "and that's a big thing for a kid from the projects." He's got a point. "Parents, teach your kids to code," he exhorts the crowd with the same gusto he exhorts us to jump up and down.

On a lavishly-lit stage in the centre of the hall, Will and his band rock out with hits like, er... OK, I don't recognise any of the songs, but everyone around me is dancing their arse off.

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Periodically, Tinie Tempah and some other apparently very famous people I don't recognise shoot up out of trapdoors in the floor, bounce around a bit and then race back to the trapdoors to be whisked back into the depths of the stage. It's as if Will.i.am has some kind of underground celebrity cryogenic storage facility from which any A-lister can be conjured at a moment's notice.

After a while Will stops singing and starts DJing, getting the crowd singing along to "Wonderwall" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" like it's 1998. Just when it couldn't get any more students' union indiedisco he drops "I Predict a Riot" and actual Ricky Wilson bounds on stage to sing it.

Later, Will tells us, "I've had the time of my life," then literally plays "I've Had the Time of My Life", because Will.i.am is basically a wedding DJ in very expensive shoes.

Several times during his DJ set, Will.i.am refers to the Dial having access to every song ever, which seems unlikely. Still, it's pretty cool that the Dial comes with access to a music streaming service, powered by 7digital, included in the monthly cost.

It also comes with a SIM card built-in so you don't need a phone. Which is all very fashion-forward, but obviously you're going to have a phone as well. You can't watch Netflix or play Candy Crush or surf the Inteet on a watch.

From wax cylinders to Auto-Tune: The technology...

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As the show progresses, gamely bantering with Will is the disembodied voice of AneedA, the Dial's Siri-like voice control assistant. "Will", intones Aneeda's enticing-but-just-mechanical-enough voice towards the end of the show, "I can't help noticing you haven't played any Black Eyed Peas." So he does, and the actual Black Eyed Peas are thawed out from Will's Celebrity Cold Storage and popped out of the floor to rattle off some more bangers.

Finally, Will and the Peas close the show with "Scream and Shout", a song that Will released as a duet with Britney Spears. Brilliantly, AneedA sings Britney's bits. It's genius. I mean, it's terrible, but it's also magnificent.